You are the most incredible creation in all the universe.
Think about yourself for a moment. Imagine you could go all the way back to your beginning. I can.
I remember the beginning, and how I got started.
I came into being. I had this sense that I am.
I was so small, but everything was there, and I knew I existed.
Everything about me was in this one tiny little body.
For a brief, yet almost infinite moment, I was just one cell, floating in space and time.
Then I was 2 cells, and then 4, 8, 16 32… It was fast. Parts of me were popping out everywhere.
I was changing, growing. Those first hours of my life were exciting.
My growth was incredible.
In a very short time, starting from that very first moment, that one cell, I expanded.
At that early point my life, my mother was aware of me, in a maternal sense.
I am sure that she felt that something was different,
but during my first couple of days of existence, it was only a feeling in her soul.
I knew what to do.
I figured out how to attach to my mother’s body, and she responded, and she connected to me.
I nestled into her womb. We were joined.
I was separate, yet at the same time, so close to her that I felt that I was a part of her.
I was my own unique individual and at the same time one with her. My whole life depended on her.
I remember the feeling of togetherness, of warmth, of safety, and love.
I grew so fast during my early days and weeks and changed so quickly.
Soon a couple of stubs popped out where my legs would be, then my arms,
and I felt my head and heart take shape.
As the parts of my body grew, it was me, a whole, unique person in the world,
directing the growth of my body. I knew what to do and how to do it.
I was alive. I existed. It was so exciting to be.
My nervous system began to develop, and I could feel the motion as my mom traveled about.
I began to sense this wonderful, warm, protected world,
mom, enveloping me, protecting me, nurturing me.
My experience of the world began to change a little bit at a time.
There was this new sensation of muffled sounds as my ears began to form.
The muffled sound developed some consistency and now,
looking back, I realize it was my mother’s heartbeat.
My first sense of the rhythm of life, the comforting, constant rhythm of my mother’s heart.
This was followed by an even more interesting sound that changed more often,
which I now know as breathing,
my mother’s breath rising and falling throughout the day,
with the different activities she was involved in.
Then, in the evening, when I felt my position change,
we lay down to sleep, and her breath and heartbeat became soothing music to my ears,
resonating throughout my whole body as I fell asleep, nestled safe within my mother’s body.
As I look back on those first months of my life, I don’t think there was ever a time when I felt more secure.
I was a little person, within a person, who gave me everything I needed to survive and prosper.
Not a care in the world.
As I grew, I pushed against parts of my mother, competing for space with her organs and her belly,
and even occasionally got my foot caught up under her ribs.
I could sense when she was rubbing her stomach and could feel the love coming through.
My favorite thing to do was kick her hand where she was touching, I could sense her excitement.
We were together, one and the same and yet separate individuals.
As I reflect on these memories, I know now why I feel as I do about my mother.
I remember those days weeks and months inside of her,
closer to another human being then I will ever be again.
As I continued to grow within her womb, I started to toss and turn at times,
and when she rubbed her stomach, I could feel her hands.
I could more clearly hear her and my father talking and laughing with excitement
when they could see and feel me kick.
I know now they were amazed that they could connect directly with this little person inside of her.
Those were my first encounters with other people, my parents.
The feelings and thoughts I had during these first few months of my life, within the womb,
were more basic than what I experience today. They were twofold.
There was part of me supervising the construction of my body,
and part of me interacting with the outside world, my mother
and the sounds and sensations of our life together.
These thoughts and feelings were not like doing math, talking to others
or thinking things through to decide what course of action to take.
Rather they were more like the gut feelings, which I still have today, which often guides my actions.
Sometimes when I have a big decision, I think, fret and I ponder it for hours or days.
But in the end, the decision often comes from a gut feeling, a sense of what I should do.
I just know I need to go that specific way, take a certain action, or speak up in that situation.
Then came my birth day. I knew it was time to get ready. This sense of action,
this need to move on to the next phase of my life, just came over me. It was time to go.
I began to wiggle, worm around and squirm a little bit, until finally I could sense that I was in position.
My head was down and was pressing against something. I could feel my mother pushing me,
I knew the way to go, it was tight, but I could do it with my mother’s help.
I knew that on the other side the next part of my life was waiting for me. I pushed, wiggled and pushed.
I felt my mother give me one big push, her body gently squeezing, pushing and opening for me.
We were working in harmony.
It started slow, but then the intensity rose, I could hear voices and activity outside.
A door was opening, and a new chapter of my life was about to begin.
We felt pain, focus and intensity, and a sense of purpose together, my mother and I.
Then, all of a sudden, a whole new world of sensations.
The warm water around me gave way to something new, something different, something cool, and lighter.
I felt the air around me. I felt the touch of another, hands on me, holding me.
I was still connected to my mother and then a sharp pain, and an unusual sensation on my belly,
a pat on my backside and wow, a new sensation in my lungs. It was air, not water, I was breathing.
I heard a sound coming from me, I was crying.
Then I was next to my mother again, I could hear her heartbeat and breathing,
but I was outside, in her arms, on her chest, but the rhythm was there, and the voice was clear.
It was her. We were together again. I was in my mother's bosom, caressed, kissed and loved.
The voice that had been muffled I now heard clearly. It was soft, sweet and reassuring.
I lay there, in this love, and fell asleep and dreamt of my previous life within the womb.
Then, when I awoke, came the most amazing thing of all.
I opened my eyes and light flooded in from all around.
It took me a moment to focus them, and then there was the face, the face of an Angel.
I was looking up at my mother, smiling at me with a warmth that reminded me of being in her womb.
Our eyes met. There she was, my mother, the woman who carried me through this first part of my life.
In her eyes I could see her soul, and it combined with mine.
I knew even though I was somehow separate from her, that we would always be one, always be together,
always share an incredible bond of life and love. That feeling of love warm, safe, and secure.
It reminded me of the first months of my life, lived inside of her.
I knew I would be alright.
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